Why share everything about your past with your spouse?
Article by Sarah
Love is a wonderful and a special feeling. With times as such, where it is rare to find, freaks people out and is clichéd enough to not be fallen into, it becomes extra special and wonderful when you get it from the right person. But love is not just about receiving; it is about giving as well. In other words, love is a beautiful “give and take” relationship. It is two people not giving up on each other despite the obstacles they face. Circumstances can be unexpected and unintentional.
Is that “The End” now? Is that the end even if you accepted your mistake or revealed your darkest secrets yourself?
A short reminder: Listen up, if you are brave enough to face undesirable situations and accept your mistakes that you well know could damage your relationship, you deserve all the love and yes, from your partner. It might make your partner upset for a considerable amount of time and might shatter them, but hiding things and keeping secrets from the person who is everything to you and to whom, you are his/her life shall shatter them all the more.
Let us discuss in detail that why are hiding secrets related to your past toxic to your relationship and why should they not be a secret from your spouse.
Bygones are bygones.
Past is a mixture of happy memories and sad moments. A part of your past can be about how your father didn’t stop clapping even when the audience stopped for your first dance performance while the other part can be about a heat break at a really tender age. That latter form of past can make you silent, upset and want to regret everything that happened. But at the same time, it is not justified to you to be afraid and to stop. You deserve all the chances to find a new love that feels old but fresh, that reawakens your soul and acknowledges every emotion in you.
And the love that gives you all of this doesn’t deserve a secret from you. When you are in love, you share things with that person voluntarily. You want them to be the first one to know about what made you happy and what just ruined your day.
Getting undressed is not actually naked in front of a person like that. Making wild and tiring sex is not only the form of intimacy here. What makes you naked in front of him/her is letting them know about your weird thoughts, your beliefs and your PAST at 3 am. And honesty is the real form of intimacy. There is no point in hovering around in a relationship saying you love them and still lying. A relationship has to be mutual.
You experience a satisfying joy when you break your walls for letting the love of your life in it. Try them. There is no denying in this that your spouse will be deeply hurt with it or that it will disturb their peace of mind and heart for a few days. But do you know what will make them still cling on to the relationship? The fact that you did not lie even when you could. And that will be soothing in times like these.
Sharing your past with your spouse will indicate that you trust them, you let them in your life, you are comfortable with them, you really want to fall in love with them and grow in love together and that you do not want any factors to alter the intensity of your love.
When it comes to you, tell this to yourself – “My past was dreadful and it cannot be denied nor changed. I can only improvise my present and make my future better. Not telling him/her about what happened and that I still feel insecure about it will make him/her feel incapable and will maximize the intensity of hurt I’ll be causing them. And we are in love, true love that some people don’t get all their lives. Let me not take him/her and him/her trust for granted.”
Go ahead. You do not have to worry about him/her judging you because they love you and they will accept you no matter what.