The secrets to happy and successful marriage
Article by Asna
Have you ever admired to be like one of the Bollywood‘s movies romantic couple? Love-birds submerged in deep love, walking hand in hand on the beach, together enjoying the beauty of sunset then on a moonlit supper on beach, a girl draped in a beautiful red silk sari with her long black flowing hair is being surprised with the melodious song sang by her beloved husband and also with the diamond ring which look absolutely fitted on her long and thin middle finger. Such kinds of the scene are being tagged with the phrase “Happily ever after” but do you really think that few sumptuous dinners on breath-taking locations and diamond rings are the backbone of a strong marriage? The fairy-tale marriage life portrayed by the social media through pictures and videos, do exist in a real world? If yes, then why so many couples are not happy, why are they heading for separation just after the few years of marriage, why they find, burying their faces in the smartphones much better than lovingly looking at each other? For them posting their prepossessing pictures on internet have become more essential than working out the strains in their marriage life
Marriage life of many couples in today’s world is grappled with so many problems; it is far from the dreams of perfect marriage life which are sold to us by the social media. It is just only in pictures! But the question comes here how the dream of mature love can be achieved, where on one fine spring morning an elderly couple who have completed their fifty years of togetherness successfully are seated peacefully on the garden chair and are recollecting some of the precious times spent by them
In order to achieve that stage of mature love, couples need to understand that road of marriage is a bumpy road full of ups and downs which requires a lot of patience and it is only after few rides on the road, it becomes smoother. For a smoother ride, communication is a key attribute but sadly it has taken a backseat in today’s world, the hustle and bustle of the busy life have made the couples to forget about the most important instrument of an effective relationship that is a conversation. It helps to resolve any kind of conflicting negative emotions that arise in a course of time as clearing them off becomes important if not cleared off timely will result in the permanent blockage which will hamper the relationship badly. Another thing to be kept in mind is that the men and women are poles apart by their basic nature and in order to establish a good relationship, they need to accept and appreciate the differences that exist between them rather than forcing the other one to act in a particular way. Do you get annoyed when your best friend is not able to understand your emotional needs? If yes, then the same thing happens when a wife instead of knowing her husband’s need for approval disagrees with him which results in an altercation. For a healthy marriage, it is important for the partners to recognize each other’s emotional needs because it is emotion only which drives any relationship whether it is mother-daughter relation or father-son. Like a petrol to the car, the same way emotions for the relationship. If the right emotional needs are not satisfied then it will lead to dissatisfaction causing a lot of emotional damage. Couples need to log out themselves from social media from time to time. As there are many negative contents which are floating in the news-feed, when welcomed in one’s garden like mind will trigger the web of negative thoughts thus breeding bad emotions such as envy, jealousy, insecurity and much more between the couple. last but not the least, one should let go of the most used word of this era that is “expectations” especially in this pure form of relationship because expectations create boundaries, it cages you which leads to a give and take type relationship, in other words, it obstructs the flow of goods from the one who is expecting the other one to do good for him thus leading to complaining, nagging or a blame game.one should be a philanthropist in such relationships.
It is not easy to make relationships work at a world-class level, it requires efforts, sacrifices, perseverance, patience, and calmness but it is worth it when achieved. Relationships are Like a Chinese bamboo tree, when the seeds of the Chinese bamboo are sowed, no signs of growth are visible in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th year people find their all efforts going to drain but in the 5th year the miracle happens the bamboo sapling shots to 80 feet within six weeks. This means the Chinese bamboo was building its foundation for so many years so that it can touch the sky swiftly without having the fear of falling because of its strong foundation. The same concept applies to the relationships, initially a lot of blood and sweat is required, one has to perspire hard under the scathing sun but sooner that sweat gets converted into long-term bliss.
Persevere because every great thing takes time.